Mother Entitlement

Mother entitlement is the phenomenen where a mother feels that she is the most important person in their child's life even when she is not or should not be.  Despite the fact that mother entitlement is rampant in divorce cases it does not get much press.  It never gets negative press.  Rather, it is ussually applauded in the press. 

A case in point is the recent the North Carolina case where  a mother with stage 4 cancer "lost" her kids to their father.  The court sited concerns about the uncertainty of mother's health in making its decision.  This has been responded to with furious outcry.  See New York Daily News, http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2011/05/12/2011-05-12_alaina_giordano_breast_cancer_patient_loses_custody_of_children_because_of_illne.html, NBC (http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/42986817#42986817), Huffington Post (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/emily-cousins/alaina-giordano_b_860844.html), Daily Mail http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1385143/Alaina-Giordano-loses-custody-children-breast-cancer.html?ito=feeds-newsxml).  That the mom has cancer is unfair to everyone.  Cancer is tragic.  But why the outcry that the children will now be raised with dad?  Dad's parenting has not been critized in this story.  Dad is presumably a great dad.  Maybe he is only an okay dad or perhaps he is a bad dad.  Naturally that is not the question.  The question is why is Mother being descriminated against. 

Mother entitlement is a problem because it can be this strong and stronger.  We regularly see cases where women in all manner of unfortunate circumstances cannot see that their children may be better off with their father.  Many in the court system, society and the press are guilty of the same thing.  Because our court system only gives lip service to the best interest factors and giving both parents a fair shot at custody, mother entitlement is regulary reinforced and rewarded.  Stories like the one above only reinforce the attitude that any mother no matter the circumstances is better than the father at raising children.

Every parent in a custody case must ask themselves what is in their child's best interest and carefully consider how much they are conflicted by their own understandable but not necessarily relevant desire to be with their children.  Everyone else looking at these situations must ask themselves what is in the child's best interest and leave antiquated notions about care giving out of it.  Until everyone is more objective about what is best for the children, children will continue getting cheated out having real access to both parents.

Joint Custody

Michigan law does not adequately account for the fact that in many families both parents are a significant care providers. Under its current rules, Judges with or without the Friend of the Court have broad discretion to make temporary custody decisions without any investigation or evidentiary hearing. Frequently both parents contend that they are principal care givers. Because Judges are not issued crystal balls they make decisions with very little information that are influenced by their own bias. All to often this means that dad is demoted to a second class parent and children loose significant access to an important care giver. While dad may have the opportunity to have a trial on custody months later, he faces a significant legal bill and a mother with a distinct advantage because she has had primary custody while waiting for custody, if he wants to try.

Michigan law will not properly account for the fact that many children rely on both mom and dad for care support until judges are forced to preserve these relationships until a full investigation and or evidentiary hearing has been had. We fight this fight every day. However, more could be done by our law makers. Past Michigan Legislatures have considered passing joint custody laws. The most recent can be found here http://www.legislature.mi.gov/documents/2009-2010/billintroduced/House/htm/2009-HIB-5114.htm. While we do not endorse everything in this particular bill, it would go a long way to evening the playing field. We encourage the current legislature to consider such legislation in the near future and anyone interested in equality to contact their state legislators.

Custody Support Groups

Divorce can be a difficult time especially when children are involved. There are many references out there trying to help. An interesting one came across my desk today. Up to Parents, www.uptoparents.org, is a site that focuses on trying to get parents to move toward cooperating when making parenting time decisions. While we do not endorse all of their views the site is worth checking out.

The Current State of Marriage and Family in the United States:

Times have certainly changed over the last few decades. A study performed by the Pew Research Center, in concert with Time Magazine, outlines the drastic changes in the way Americans view marriage and family. The Time Magazine article “Marriage: What’s It Good For?” outlines the findings derived from a survey of 2,691 adults around the United States in 2008. The following are some of the interesting statistics:

• 40% of Americans think that marriage is obsolete (versus 28% in 1978). However, more than 75% of the respondents felt that marriage was best for raising children.
• In 1960, 72% of adults were married. In 2008, only 52% were married.
• College graduates are more likely to marry (64%) than individuals who do not have higher education (48%).
• Compared to fifty years ago, Americans are more likely to marry someone who has similar socioeconomic and educational achievements.
• College graduates are less likely to divorce than individuals who do not have higher education.
• In 1960, 87% of children were living with married parents. In 2008, only 64% of children are living with married parents.
• A child living with cohabitating, unmarried parents in Sweden is less likely to see their parents split up than a child living with married parents in the United States.
• 41% of children were born to unmarried mothers in 2008 (please refer to the blog concerning Affidavits of Parentage dated November 30, 2010). This is eight times more than fifty years ago.
• Only 6% of children have parents who are cohabitating outside of marriage.
• 21% of children whose parents are separated/divorced will be exposed to two live-in partners in their mothers’ homes by the time they are 15 years old. An additional 8% will see three or more live-in partners during the same time period.

For more information please view the following link: http://pewsocialtrends.org/2010/11/18/the-decline-of-marriage-and-rise-of-new-families/

Affidavits of Parentage: What Every Unmarried Father in Michigan Needs to Know

Unmarried fathers are presented with unique legal challenges. They are generally presented with an Affidavit of Parentage at the hospital after a child is born and told to sign it without any explanation. Fathers regularly sign the Affidavit without understanding it or how signing it affects their rights. As a result, many unmarried fathers leave the hospital with little or no understanding of what their rights are as fathers and what they need to do to assert those rights. Similarly, fathers not present at the birth of a child often do not know what they need to do to protect their rights.

The Affidavit of Parentage is a form signed by both parents that acknowledges that the parents are the natural parents of the child. By signing the Affidavit, the parents affirm their parentage of the child under penalty of perjury. Therefore, a father who is not 100% certain that he is the natural father of the child should not sign the form without further investigation or seeking legal advice.

When presented with an Affidavit of Parentage, a father should first read the document very carefully. See Michigan’s Affidavit of Parentage at:

http://www.michigan.gov/documents/Parentage_10872_7.pdf .

Any father who does not understand the Affidavit or is uncomfortable with anything in the Affidavit should seek legal advice before signing.

Important Rights are Waived By Signing an Affidavit of Parentage.

By signing an Affidavit of Parentage, a father waives the following rights:

· The right to blood or genetic tests to determine if he is the biological father.

· Any right to a court appointed attorney to represent him in a court to determine if he is the biological father.

· The right to a trial to determine if he is the biological father.

These are very important rights, and a father must understand these rights completely and be comfortable waving them before he signs the Affidavit.

Benefits of Signing the Affidavit of Parentage.

There are definite benefits to signing the Affidavit of parentage. If a father signs the document, he establishes himself as the child’s father. He can put his name on the child’s birth certificate and assert his custody and parenting time rights.

An Affidavit of Parentage Can Be Set Aside Under Certain Circumstances.

If a father mistakenly signs an Affidavit of Parentage or later finds out that he is not the father of the child, he may be able revoke his acknowledgement of parentage. In order to do so, he must file an action with the appropriate Court and request the Court revoke the acknowledgement. However, if an individual has held himself out as and acted as the child’s father for a substantial period of time, he might not be successful in revoking the acknowledgement.

The Affidavit of Parentage and Custody, Parenting Time and Child Support

The Affidavit of Parentage gives the mother initial custody of the child and does not grant the father parenting time with the child. In order for the father to assert his rights for custody and parenting time he must file a custody case with the appropriate Court. The court order entered with the Court is generally referred to as an Order of Filiation, which is an enforceable court order concerning custody, parenting time and child support. A father must have this order, or its equivalent, to enforce his custody and parenting time rights.

A father does not eliminate his child support obligation by not signing an Affidavit of Parentage. A father will not be required to pay support if he does not acknowledge that he is the father of the child. However, a child support case can be initiated by the mother or the State of Michigan. A mother may initiate her own court case to establish paternity and request a child support order. The State of Michigan will initiate its own court case to establish paternity and enter a child support order if the mother or child are receiving any assistance from the state (cash assistance, food assistance, Medicaid, etc.). A father must understand that the child support order could be retroactive all the way back to the birth of the child leaving the father with a substantial child support arrearage.

The Best Way to Overcome Legal Obstacles is to be Proactive.

Every father needs to be proactive and have a plan in place to assert his rights as a father before the child is even born. By seeking legal guidance, understanding his rights and having a plan in place, an unmarried father can overcome his legal challenges and focus on enjoying fatherhood.

There are many other things an unmarried father needs to know. Contact us or another qualified attorney for more information and assistance.

PPOs are sometimes necessary

We don't love Personal Protection Orders (PPOs) at Gordon & Shaw because they are sometimes used as a sword to separate a man from his children or house without any hearing based upon one-sided false or embellished allegations. However, they have their place. Take for example the case of Samuel Cordaryl Clark, age 24. Mr. Clark died when his ex-girlfriend chased his car down 28th Street at 100 miles per hour. At this point we don't know if his ex-girlfriend had done anything like this before but it is obvious that he did not want to be confronted by her. Had he had a PPO and drove to the police station, his ex-girl friend would have gone to jail and he may have lived. Some men need a PPO but are skeptical that they will not be taken seriously by the court or believe that they can take care of themselves. Men are right to be skeptical of the court but that should not stop them. We have had clients obtain PPOs. Preparation is key. What worries us more is the men that believe they can take care of themselves, because they tend to get themselves in trouble. Believe me, there are men in Grand Rapids that have a domestic abuse convictions on their record even though they were only acting in self defense. If a man feels threatened he must get the court’s help. For more on Mr. Clark see http://www.mlive.com/news/grand-rapids/index.ssf/2010/10/woman_who_alledgedly_chased_bo.html#incart_mrt

FACEBOOK and other networking sites

It is usually expensive and difficult to show how some Moms are really. As we all know there are some terrible ones that can put themselves together just long enough to fool the court. Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc. sometimes give us the evidence we need to show she is a fraud. We aren't the only ones that have figured this out. There are many articles out there that explore this topic including Facebook and Divorce: Airing the Dirty Laundry - TIME and Facebook is divorce lawyers' new best friend - Technology & science - Tech and gadgets - msnbc.com. Any man facing divorce, custody/parenting time, or support issues would be wise to review the evidence they have put out in networking sites and go looking for evidence she has put out there.